I have a friend, who we will call "Dick" to protect his identity. Dick and I have a lot in common and we hang out quite often...Here's my problem with Dick, other than the fact that he is constantly making fun of me.....Dick has recently met a girl through an online dating service. They have been talking a lot and even went out tonight for the first real date. Things seem to be going really well...I, however, have 2 problems with this. One is that Dick seems to talk about me a LOT to this girl and Im starting to get creeped out. I also think that she is going to either think he is gay, or leave him for me, because well I mean Im sure he makes me sounds as awesome as I am. My MAIN problem with Dick and his new relationship is that far before they even set up their first date tonight, he had already discussed with her under what conditions she would meet me. Yea, he is tailoring his new relationship that was purely over instant messenger and email at this point, around when she will meet me. He thinks that they have to have an established relationship before I am introduced into the equation...And he has also stated that I must be sober (good luck with that one) when we meet.
My mother is also coming up on Sunday to celebrate my whore of a sister Kelly's birthday. Brenda (mother with a sweet ass old woman's name) is excited because we will be meeting her new boyfriend.. Im also excited because this one is an airplane mechanic and not a 55 yr old Virgin like Kurk, the ex, was(whom I nicknamed "Big Dick Daddy" and called him it to his face). As long as Kurk is out of the picture, Brenda has a lot more space on her Balcony, because his SOLAR PANELS arent there...hahha..Anyways she has been harassing me via mobile telephone ALL frickin week to make sure I do not "screw this up" for her on Sunday with this dude....she thinks I am going to totally embarass her and the family....and well, if you know me, which you probably do..and if you dont, stop reading my blog you creep, shes 100% correct... I love meeting new people and especially new boyfriends to any girls in my life. Mainly my sister Kelly and my mother...I will do anything and everything in my power to embarass the boyfriends, especially during our first meeting. I figure, if you can pass the test of meeting Me, then you're good to go. Im just showing them the ugly first, because with my sister and my mom, comes me...and if this is going to be a serious relationship...Ill be around and if you cant handle my fucked up sense of humor out of the gate, you're wasting your time. Just ask my other sister Laurens husband...I recently picture messaged him a picture of a penis for no reason on a Saturday night while he was out with his friends....these guys just cant get rid of me...now to my concluding point...
Why is it that Dick and Brenda feel that I need to play a role in how their relationship plays out. Why are they so worried about what I will do, and not more worried about making the relationship work from their side. Maybe had "Dick" worried about how to interact with this girl as much as hes worried about her meeting Me, he wouldnt have ended their first date tonight, with a WAVE...haha not a kiss, a Wave..
I guess I should come with some sort of disclaimer. Warning if you are going to be my friend, do not plan on having a normal relationship with a member of the opposite sex....
man, I love Dick...
p.s. Ken Griffey Jr has already reported to Spring Training, a week earlier than he had to as usual, and Im sure that butt has grown atleast a little...mmm mm good
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3 comments:
I think you really came to a valuable conclusion when you realized that YOU should come with a disclaimer, and it is not your friends and loved ones who have a problem. I wanted to add my anonymous, but true experience in order to help you explore this issue that keeps manifesting in your life. I am your female (it has been proven that I lack a Y chromosome) BFF who not so long ago made the decision to introduce my male partner to you. After bombarding him with inappropriate comments about my questionable sexual orientation and other incomprehensible babble (your left eye was drooping from intoxication) you ended the meeting, not with a wave, but an attempted kiss on the cheek. You also grabbed me forcefully by the head and neck and attempted to kiss me. On one hand, I am disgusted by your behavior and sometimes fantasize that I had never met you. But on the other hand, I know that any significant other that can withstand an evening with you is truly an exceptional individual, and I am slightly grateful for your inappropriate, but effective hazing. Hope this helps.
Who the hell told you about celebrating my birthday on sunday? well, it's cancelled so don't bother showing up.
Hey...uh...i stumbled upon this blog site this morning as I was searching for a life and read your post. I think it was genius. I really think this "Dick" guy is a pimp. I'd like to meet him. I bet he's a clean guy who uses soap and wears glasses that don't fog up. Anyways, that's my two cents. Tell Dick that he's a pimp.
Oh...and Griffey isn't good, man. It's not 1995 anymore...move on!
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